Turning 30

Today is a bit of a hard day, it's a dear friends 30th birthday I should be able to share this with him, but because of his addiction I can't. Who is there for me so much when we were teenagers my closest friend my true confidant. And the fact that I haven't been able to share any of the good things going on in my life from really my wedding to a job promotion to my husband and I buying a home, my 30th birthday last month these are the hardest things about that. For me my 30th birthday was a very happy time I know a lot of people take it hard. But for me it was a sigh relief, you see when I was younger involved in a genetics study. With my brothers who have ADHD and mental illness during this genetic study the question was asked what does this all mean for me they have the markers so do I, what we were told that we cross our fingers and Tom a teenager, and if nothing at that time cross I'm still in Tom about 30 and then will know I'm not going to have the same issue. Not by all right that doesn't mean I don't have issues you grow up with crazy and you end up with issues mostly trusted anxiety but not the same as everything else. It's sad that the person that was there for me when my brothers were at the craziest chose to become an addict is out of my life and I can't share any of my good things with now and I miss him terribly I only hope that one day he'll get clean but the friend I had always be Gone no matter what. It's this that kills me see there's a part of me that feels like I let him down, missed his problems while he was helping me survive mine now he's lost and there's nothing I can do.